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A Minute with Mike: Candidates, change your name for the win

Caricature created by Vic Reyes MBME Media

Perhaps it’s already spread to your corner of Michigan: those aggravating, irritating, nauseating and much repeated political advertisements. Yup, yet another election year.

And with five people on the U.S. Supreme Court declaring a stack of cold, hard cash is not money but free speech, we Michiganeers are about to get an ear and eye-full for the duration of 2018.

Now, as much as we might collectively hate political ads, commercial television and radio stations and websites love it. It’s the equivalent of the Christmas season, with the role of Santa Claus played by political action committees.

So I’ve come up with a solution for candidates to save money and voter aggravation by not buying advertisements.

It’s the power of name recognition. And if you think having a good last name doesn’t mean anything, just ask every judge with an Irish-sounding name who no one knows but is continually elected.


So here is the solution… cough… are you ready, candidates?

Change your last name to the state, county, city, village, township or region you are attempting to represent.

For example, if I was running for governor, I would change my last name to Michigan. Then I could say with some truth-iness: “Vote Mike Michigan. A vote for my opponent is a vote against Michigan.”

And this technique works for most offices, mayors in particular. A candidate with the name Al Pina would certainly win in Alpena. Like-wise Barry Bad Axe, Oprah Owosso, Kelly Mazoo, Winona Wyoming, and Ethel Ecorse could win in their respective cities.

This practice could even be applied to specific offices. I’d be willing to bet a couple of taxpayer-funded sports venues that a seat on the State board of education could be won if a candidate changed their name to Eddie Cation.

(SFX sad trombone)

So to sum it up, dear candidates, save your potential constituents the nearly year-long agony of being bombarded by political ads and your money.

Just change your name, and you could win.

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